You said "later" to yourself for so long that later started to feel like never. This is for the millennial mom and career woman who is ready to quietly, calmly, come back to herself — one creative moment at a time.
Last Monday night I was at a Mardi Gras ball in a pink floral dress. The kind of dress with a skirt that has a life of its own when you move.
And somewhere between the music and the lights, it started to twirl. Not dramatically. Just quietly, beautifully, the way it was made to.
I felt it. That pure, simple joy. The kind that sneaks up on you when you're not looking for it.
And then, almost immediately, like a reflex I didn't ask for, a thought crept in:
Who am I bothering? Am I taking up too much space right now?
I half-twirled. I quieted myself. I stepped back toward the edge of the room.
And then I caught it. That moment of clarity where you see yourself clearly, maybe for the first time in a long time.
I am doing this constantly.
Not just on a dance floor. In my art. In my business. In my conversations. I have been showing up halfway, quieting my voice, making myself easier to overlook so that no one ever has to work around me.
Unintentionally. But willingly.
Maybe you know this feeling too. Not because you gave up on yourself, but because life got loud. The job, the kids, the endless to-do list. You kept showing up for everyone else and somewhere along the way, the quietest person in the room became you.
This one is for you.
3 Things to Do When You Catch Yourself Holding Back
1. Notice it without judging it
The first step is just catching the moment. Not beating yourself up for it, just seeing it clearly.
When you feel yourself pulling back, getting smaller, softening your voice, or stepping to the edge of the room, pause. Name it out loud if you can, even just in your head: I am holding back right now.
That awareness is everything. You can't change what you can't see. And most of us have been doing this for so long it just feels like being considerate, being humble, being easy to be around. It doesn't feel like a pattern. It just feels like who we are.
It isn't who you are. It's what you learned to do.
So start there. Notice it. Don't spiral into it. Just see it.
Try this: For one week, every time you catch yourself shrinking, staying quiet in a conversation, not sharing your work, skipping the thing you actually wanted to do, write it down. You'll be surprised how often it happens once you start looking.
2. Do the thing anyway, even if it's small
You don't have to blow up your whole life to start taking up space again. You just have to do the small thing in front of you.
For me it was finishing the twirl.
It sounds almost too simple. But that one full twirl was a declaration. I am here. I am allowed to take up this moment. My joy is not an inconvenience.
Your version of the twirl might look different. It might be sending the email you've been drafting for a week. Posting the artwork you've been afraid to share. Signing up for the class. Saying the thing in the meeting. Buying the supplies and actually starting.
The size of the action doesn't matter. What matters is that you stop waiting for permission that's never coming and give it to yourself instead.
Try this: Think of one thing you've been holding back on, something small, something just for you. Do it today. Not tomorrow. Today. And notice how it feels on the other side.
3. Find a creative outlet that brings you back to yourself
Here's what I know for sure: creativity is one of the fastest ways back to who you are.
Not because it's productive. Not because the end result is beautiful, though it often is. But because when you are making something with your hands, really in it, focused, present. There is no room for the voice that says you're too much or this isn't for you or who do you think you are.
There is just you, the work, and the quiet.
That is the gift of it. And it is available to you right now, whether you consider yourself an artist or not.
You don't need to be an artist to create beauty. You just need a few calm moments, the right guidance, and someone who genuinely believes you can do it.
Try this: Start somewhere easy. Somewhere that feels safe and low-stakes and genuinely fun. Pick up a palette knife. Follow along with a beginner tutorial. Let yourself be a beginner without apologizing for it.
Where to Start
If you've been craving a creative outlet but don't know where to begin or you've tried before and felt overwhelmed, I made something for you.
My Beginner's Guide to Textured Floral Art walks you through everything from what supplies to buy to your very first strokes. No experience needed. No overwhelm. Just calm, step-by-step guidance that helps you create something you're genuinely proud of.
It's the easiest first twirl I know how to offer you.
Grab the Beginner's Guide here →
And if you want more of this real talk, creative encouragement, and a quiet corner of the internet that's just for you, come join The Calm Creative Letter. It's my free weekly newsletter for women who are reclaiming their calm, creating their joy, and building a life with space to bloom.
Subscribe here →
You were never too much. You were just so used to making yourself easier to be around that you forgot what it felt like to fully be yourself. You remember now. That's the whole point.
— Jen
0 comments